<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>One of those nights by 1TheArtOfLosing1</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347680">One of those nights</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/1TheArtOfLosing1/pseuds/1TheArtOfLosing1'>1TheArtOfLosing1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Fear of Darkness (a little), Hurt/Comfort, I just had Zelda deal with her trauma because we all know that is not gonna happen on the show, Other, Psychological Trauma, and Marie is there to hold her hand, but zarie is not the main course, fear of losing someone, i have no idea how to tag this, there is a little zarie and fluff on the side</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:21:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,823</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/1TheArtOfLosing1/pseuds/1TheArtOfLosing1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelda Spellman can uphold her cold and heartless appear for very long periods of time. But sometimes, even Zelda Spellman, cannot take it anymore. Sometimes her flawless semblance falters. </p><p>Sometimes she feels, and she doesn’t like it. </p><p>Not one bit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zelda Spellman &amp; Hilda Spellman, Zelda Spellman &amp; Sabrina Spellman, Zelda Spellman/Mambo Marie LaFleur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>One of those nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi there!! Thanks for reading my fic :D</p><p>Angst is my all time favorite thing to write and I loved writing this particular one shot SO much, so I really hope you'll like reading this as much as I liked writing it.</p><p>Slight TW: The caligari spell is mentioned very briefly, but I wrote vaguely about it since it is a topic that makes me uncomfortable.</p><p>The title is for once not stolen from a song, but it is in fact my own.</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It is one of those nights again.</em>
</p><p>It is dark.</p><p>It is dark and it is quiet.</p><p>She’s all alone. No one of her family is coming home tonight. The house is filled with nothing but silence and the regular ticking of the grandfather clock that Zelda has long grown used to, as she stares at the ceiling and grips the duvet a little tighter. The soft material between her fingers and the feeling of her head sinking further into her pillow, are the only things she is currently really aware of. She clenches her jaw, her shoulders tensing even more as she does so.</p><p>Her bed has never been a place where she feels at ease, where she feels relaxed. Even after all these years, Zelda doesn’t know the particular reason why. There is just something about the dim light creeping through the curtains, the sound of nothing but silence and the feeling of losing control over her own body, while being so terribly exposed and vulnerable, that freaks her out just a <em>tiny bit.</em></p><p>That’s why she had been somewhat relieved when Hilda had proposed to share a bedroom sixteen years ago. It had been convenient for the both of them when it came to taking care of little Sabrina during the night. It had been a practical arrangement. Nothing more or nothing less than that. But when the time had come when sleeping in the same room was no longer an advantage for the both of them, and Hilda had moved out, Zelda’s slight fear of sleeping alone had come crawling back. Though she will never dare to admit it out loud, Zelda had grown used to her sister’s presence during the fearful hours of the night. Maybe even grown <em>fond</em> of it.</p><p>It has been quite a while since Hilda took her leave and reclaimed her old bedroom on the other end of the hallway, and Zelda can honestly barely remember the last time her sister’s absence had bothered her.</p><p>
  <em>Until now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is one of those nights again.</em>
</p><p>Those nights when all her pent-up feelings threaten to surface and break her perfect veneer. When every fear she has ever had attempts to suffocate her. When she can no longer tell the difference between a lie her own mind is whispering softly into her ear, or the truth. When all her thoughts seem chaotic and entangled, and her feelings are like one big knot in her stomach.</p><p>Zelda hates those nights more than anything else. They are the nights when everything she so desperately tries to hold together, seem to fall apart. When she seems to simply lose control and every single one of her walls comes crashing down, whether she wants it or not. They make her feel so <em>powerless</em>. So weak, so helpless.</p><p>Back when Hilda still shared this room with her, those nights weren’t as awful as they are now. During those 16 years, she had found some sort of comfort in the knowledge that her sister was right by her side, and that she wasn’t alone. That she would never truly be alone, even if it felt like she was. There aren’t many things in life that Zelda is certain about, but there is one thing:</p><p>Her little sister will <em>always</em> be there for her.</p><p>Now, as her tired eyes stare upwards and her hands are clenched around the piece of fabric between her trembling fingers, Zelda realises with a stinging feeling in her heart, that even <em>that</em> is something she isn’t so sure about anymore. Hell, what is she even certain about anymore?</p><p><em>It is one of those nights again</em>.</p><p>She can feel it in her chest.</p><p>The box where she puts all her unwanted feelings and thoughts, is nearly running over.</p><p>Zelda Spellman can uphold her cold and heartless appear for very long periods of time. But sometimes, even Zelda Spellman, cannot take it anymore. Sometimes her flawless semblance falters.</p><p>Sometimes she <em>feels</em>, and she doesn’t like it.</p><p>Not one bit.</p><p>Right now, her chest feels too tight around her heart, like it is going to explode if she doesn’t do something quickly. She tries to ignore it. She tries to unclench her jaw and loosen her shoulders and grip on the duvet. She tries to close her eyes and to take deep, steady breaths. But nothing helps. There is a ticking time bomb in her chest and she won’t sleep until it explodes.</p><p>But she doesn’t want it to explode. And even if she did, she wouldn’t know how. She is so used to holding herself together, to pushing down her feelings, that she doesn’t know how to <em>not</em> do those things.</p><p>Suddenly, a soft knock on the door startles her. She jumps up a little and feels her heart start to race in her chest, the sound of it pounding through her head like some sort of drum. She blinks a few times, trying to make out the shape of the door in the dark.</p><p>“<em>Hildie</em>?” Zelda calls carefully, her voice trembling as she stares in the direction of the door.</p><p>“Chérie, it is me.”</p><p>Instantly, Zelda feels herself relax. She breathes a sigh of relief and closes her eyes for a brief second.</p><p>“Can I come in?” Marie asks, and Zelda takes a moment to answer. She doesn’t want Marie to see her like this. She doesn’t want her to know what a sodding mess she is, but she also knows that Marie won’t judge her.</p><p>“Of course.” she finally decides.</p><p>A second later, the door opens, and Zelda can vaguely make out the shape of her lover. As she approached the bed, Zelda catches the smell of her perfume and it calms her heart a little. She feels the mattress shift as Marie climbs in on the other side. Zelda lies down again, staring at the ceiling once more. A soft pair of lips drop a light kiss on her cheek, and the small gesture makes tears climb their way up to her eyes. As if the kiss isn’t making things even harder on her already, a warm hand reaches up and cups her cheek tenderly. Without thinking, Zelda leans into the touch, as her eyes drift shut. She can feel tears burning behind her eyelids. They’re hot and heavy and ready to roll down her face, but she won’t let them. Not if she can hold them at bay.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Zelda manages to ask, her voice barely louder than a whisper.</p><p>“Because I missed you, ma belle.” Marie says simply, “I haven’t seen you in days.”</p><p>Well yes, that was the truth. Zelda had purposely avoided Marie the last couple of days, simply because she could feel her walls starting to crumble and seeing her lover would only make matters worse. Being around the voodoo priestess always makes her soft. And as she had expected, her fears had not been unfounded, because as she lies here with Marie, her tears are begging her to be let out.</p><p>Zelda feels Marie lean forward, before an arm is wrapped around her waist and her head is resting in the crook of her neck.</p><p>A shuddering breath escapes Zelda’s lips, before Marie suddenly pulls back. “Chérie, what is the matter? You are shaking.” she notes, lifting her head to look down at her.</p><p>Zelda refuses to open her eyes, scared that once her tears start flowing, she won’t be able to stop them anytime soon. She barely even trusts her voice at this moment, knowing that if she were to say something right now, Marie would instantly know that she is on the verge of crying. So instead of speaking, she just shakes her head and stretches her arm to where she can feel Marie’s body pressed against her own. Her hand makes contact with the oh so familiar curve of Marie’s hip and she smiles softly.</p><p>“Zelda, you are worrying me. What is wrong?” she asks, concern sounding ever so clear in her voice.</p><p>Again, Zelda shakes her head, but this time, she does try to speak. “I can’t tell you.” she admits, hoping Marie will understand. There isn’t just one particular thing that’s bothering her. There are so many things. Things that don’t even affect her anymore, but she hadn’t allowed herself to be upset about at the time when they did. So many things had happened these past few weeks. Hell, these past few months.</p><p>She just can’t possibly explain every single one of her worries through something as simple as words.</p><p>“I want to tell you, believe me, I really do. I just do not know how.” Zelda confesses with a sigh.</p><p>She feels Marie shift a little, before she speaks again: “Then answer this question: What are you feeling right now?”</p><p>Zelda frowns softly, her lower lip quivering slightly.</p><p>“I-I don’t know.” she says, and it sounds more like a question than a statement. “I just feel like a chaotic mess.”</p><p>“A chaotic mess?”</p><p>She simply nods.</p><p>“And where do you feel that you are a chaotic mess?”</p><p>Slowly, Zelda lifts her hand and brings it to her chest.</p><p>“Alright. And what do you feel there, apart from chaos?”</p><p>Zelda tries to focus on all her tangled up feelings. She tries to sort through them one by one and as she does, a tear spills from her eye. And she doesn’t even care. As she focuses on the enormous weight that seems to be dangling from her heart, the first emotion hits her:</p><p>
  <em>Grief.</em>
</p><p>Though she had gained a lot of things these last weeks, there had also been moments where she felt as if she was losing everything. First, her sister made it perfectly clear that helping her at the academy all day was not something she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Eventhough Zelda had always known that Hilda wasn’t an as dedicated and devoted witch as her, she had somehow still expected her to be there for her, like she always had been. No matter what she was going through, no matter what crazy plan her mind came up with, no matter how risky or downright stupid her ideas were, Hilda was always there to hold her hand along the way.</p><p>Not that she needs anyone to hold her hand, of course. But, she has to admit that she had grown rather used to Hilda always being there. In fact, she hadn’t even noticed how used to it she had gotten, until Hilda started to let go of her hand. Until finally, she started doing her own things, making her own risky or stupid plans, <em>living her own life</em>. It had started the day she moved out of their shared bedroom. Hell, maybe it had even started the day she decided to join Diana to baptise Sabrina at a <em>Catholic Church</em>.</p><p>Slowly, finger by finger, Hilda had started letting go.</p><p>And Zelda never even noticed, too caught up in her own needs and her own wishes.</p><p>She only noticed when she was about to jump off a cliff, and Hilda wasn’t there to catch her. When she wanted to raise baby Leticia, because she had thought that together they would be able to do it, and Hilda hadn’t been there.</p><p>And then, it happened again.</p><p>And <em>again</em>, Zelda hadn’t seen it coming, though she should have.</p><p>Life at the academy had never been cut out for Hilda. Never had the blonde witch felt at home within the walls of Zelda’s favorite place on earth, especially not when they were both still students. Being high priestess was Zelda’s dream, but certainly not her sister’s. Hilda wanted a cute little house with a huge garden and children and a dog. She wanted quiet Sunday afternoons, spent by sitting outside while reading some cheap novel. She wanted to get married to Doctor Dracula and live happily ever after with him. <em>Oh</em>... she wanted <em>so</em> much, but nothing she could find at the academy. Nothing she could find within Zelda’s dream. Nothing she could find with Zelda. And that is why, Hilda had to let go of her hand.</p><p>Zelda should have known, and she hadn’t.</p><p>Then there is Sabrina.</p><p>When she had told the rest of the Spellman family that she would be staying in hell to rule as Queen, Zelda had felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. In the end, her worries had been for nothing, because Sabrina had come back home not much later.</p><p>But still, she is a <em>tiny</em> bit bitter about Sabrina’s latest actions.</p><p>Zelda had always known that her niece was just as ambitious and driven as her, but she had never expected her to be quite so reckless. Not only had she lied about being the Queen of Hell, but she had also brought Satan Himself into the academy without telling her. She had put the entire coven at risk, had put her entire family at risk, and just for the sake of her boyfriend, who she had now already broken up with. And all of that was just the tip of the iceberg. Ever since she turned sixteen, troubles seemed to follow that child around like a shadow. And it isn’t just the troubles. It is all the <em>lying</em>, the going around and acting behind Hilda and her’s back, the denigrating of every tradition, the changing of every law known to witches and warlocks since the beginning of time,... The lying! That is what aggravates Zelda the most of all: Those seemingly endless lies.</p><p>Zelda loves her niece to death, but Hecate help her, sometimes she drives her mad.</p><p>That’s how she comes to the next emotion:</p><p><em>Anger</em>.</p><p>At one point, it had all just been too much. Hilda got engaged, Sabrina was Queen of Hell, her new coven was already falling apart and she felt as if she was the only one who even tried to pick up the pieces. It was as if in the moment when she needed her family most, no one was there. As if everyone turned her back on her.</p><p>She is fully aware that becoming high priestess was her own choice. Her own calling. It is something she had wanted to do from the moment she was old enough to slightly understand what the title meant. Ever since she was a little girl she had dreamt of being the first high priestess. The first woman to sit in the office she so desired. There had never been anything she wanted more than that very title.</p><p>And when she had finally gotten what she wanted, her dream tasted incredibly sour.</p><p>A part of that was, and still is, Faustus Blackwood’s fault.</p><p>Words cannot describe the hate she feels for that man. Edward had always warned her about him, but as foolish as she had been, she hadn’t cared. In fact, the more her brother tried to keep her from him, the more she had drifted towards him. She had always been like that. Forbidden fruit had always tasted <em>so</em> much better.</p><p>And she has paid the price.</p><p>She has both seen and felt the horrors that man is capable of. The week before their wedding and the time she was under the calligari spell is a blur. She only truly remembers bits and pieces, and the things she <em>does</em> remember, are things she wishes she could forget.</p><p>Even after all this time, she still asks herself every night how she had been so blind. Why she didn’t see his true intensions. Maybe it had been her desire for power that had blinded her. Maybe she had been so focused on restoring the Spellman’s family name that she had willingly looked past his dark side. A part of her had always known he was not a man she could trust, but another part of her had found that the most thrilling thing about him. Somehow, she had always believed she was an exception to his cruelty. She had thought he was at least a little too fond of her to put her at risk.</p><p>How wrong she had been.</p><p>Zelda had first really realized what she was getting herself into by marrying him when their hands were bound by a mortal’s skin. When he told her how she would forsake all others to serve him, and to lift him up.</p><p>After that, she could have ran away easily. She could have left him right then and there.</p><p>But her pride stood in the way of that simple solution.</p><p>Running was for cowards, and Zelda Spellman was many things, but a coward was not one of them. Plus, her entire family had made it perfectly clear that they had their doubts about Faustus Blackwood. She had ignored all of them. She couldn’t admit defeat and back down.</p><p>So she had gone into his office, and he had married them there.</p><p>Not even an hour later, she had felt alarmed again, just like she had at the altar.</p><p>“A wife walks behind her husband.” he had said softly, but not quite soft enough to not reach the outstander’s ears.</p><p>
  <em>How dare he humiliate her like that?</em>
</p><p>Still, she had pushed that warning voice in the back of her mind aside.</p><p>Until their wedding night.</p><p>She had asked him about Ambrose, had pleaded for him to spare her nephew’s life, and that was when it had happened. <em>That music box...</em></p><p>She can still hear that infernal tune as if it’s playing right next to her ear. It had been the only audible sound in the room, as she had gradually lost control over her own body. She remembers seeing the corners of his lips twitch up into a sly smile, as he watched her as she lost the ability to speak, to walk, to move,... He stood there and he watched. Until finally, he asked her a question and a voice that didn’t even sound like her own answered. Everything after that is one big haze. Though she does remember his voice as he ordered her to do things and made her dance like his personal little poppet.</p><p>After that, she remembers feeling herself fade away, feeling her will to fight seep from her body.</p><p>She remembers feeling so disgusted with what was happening to her body, that she simply couldn’t stand it anymore. It was like her brain had simply shut down, to protect her from everything Faustus did to her.</p><p>Her earliest memory after that, is in the Spellman’s kitchen and having to go back to him.</p><p>Once all of that was finally in the past, he had done the <em>one</em> thing she had never thought he would ever do: He harmed his own coven. Even murdered most of them. His coven had always been his everything. Nothing was more important to him.</p><p>And still, she had been sadly unsurprised when he poisoned them and left them to die.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts are overwhelmg her. She barely feels Marie’s hand gently patting her cheek, and her voice calling out her name. All she is truly aware of are all those feelings, and she hasn’t even gone through most of them.</p><p>“Zelda, chérie, please look at me. Say something.”</p><p>Her eyes snap up to the face in front of her. Marie lets out a sigh of relief and starts stroking her thumb across the soft skin of her ivory cheek.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>Looking around the room, Zelda realises that she has no idea how much time has passed. She had been so far gone, she had honestly forgotten she was here with Marie.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine, Marie.” Zelda assures her. It’s only then that she notices she tears that have spilled from her eyes, and how her voice cracks when she speaks. She licks her lips, feeling her heart throb in her throat.</p><p>“You’re shaking.” Marie notes, and apparently she is. Her hands are wrapped around one of Marie’s and they’re trembling. She can feel her legs quivering and her nightgown seems drenched with sweat.</p><p>Marie gently swipes her hand across Zelda’s forehead and then presses a kiss to her temple, “Do you want some water, or a wet towel, or anything at all?”</p><p>Zelda smiles weakly, leaning in closer to her touch. “Just hold me, please.”</p><p>Two dark brown eyes stare at her, Marie’s brows furrowed in worry and her lips parted. After a moment, she hesitantly lies down and wraps her arms around Zelda’s trembling body.</p><p>“I still can’t tell you.” Zelda admits, her voice barely loud enough to be heard.</p><p>She feels Marie nod. “I know. It’s okay.”</p><p>It is in this moment, that Zelda realises that it had probably never even been Marie’s intention to get her to talk to her, but just to get her to <em>feel</em>.</p><p>“I’m sorry, chérie. I pushed you too far.”</p><p>“No, you didn’t. I needed this.” Zelda says honestly.</p><p>As she snuggles further into Marie’s embrace, Zelda also feels <em>grateful</em>. She feels so grateful for her beautiful family. Eventhough, there were moments when she felt as if both her sister and her niece had turned her back on her, they had both proven her otherwise. They had both assured her with their actions that they would always be there for her, that she could count on them. And yes, Hilda was still getting married, and a part of Zelda knew that Sabrina hadn’t told her the full truth about her buisiness with Hell, but in this moment, she found herself not caring. Hilda would always be her sister, and Sabrina would always be her niece and nothing could ever change that.</p><p>She also feels grateful for the woman who is currently holding her. A woman who in no way reminds her of Faustus.</p><p>Yes, she is grateful, but she is also terrified. Terrified of losing Marie. Eventhough Marie’s arms are wrapped tightly around her body in this very moment, a soft voice in the back of her mind keeps reminding her that nothing is permanent. That nothing lasts forever, no matter how bad you want it to, no matter how much it hurts when it comes to an end. This is mainly why she has always had troubles with commiting to someone, with fully giving herself to another person, with unconditionally loving anyone.</p><p>She was so scared, but she was also happy Marie had come into her life. In fact, she was too happy to care about that damned voice. No, there are not a lot of things Zelda is certain about, but one of them is that Marie will <em>never</em> hurt her on purpose.</p><p>A soft kiss is pressed against the side of her head, and Zelda feels her heart flutter.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yes, it is one of those nights again.</em>
</p><p>But from now on, Zelda knows that she won’t have to face them alone again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>The end x</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It has been ages since I last watched part 3, so sorry if I missed anything else I could've/should've included in this story. I had to dig really deep into my memory for this and my memory isn't all that good lol.</p><p>As always, I hope you liked this and I hope you have the most wonderful day!!! Stay safe and I'll hopefully see you in the next story! </p><p>You can still send me prompts on:</p><p>Tumblr: immacryyowzah<br/>Instagram: miranda.all.the.way</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>